Heartbroken

It seems like most adoption blogs that I read are positive and show all the good and happy parts of international adoption.  Up until now, our blog has been one of those blogs.  We brought Nikolas home two years ago and things have gone so well.  He attached to us beautifully and is thriving in our family.

Sadly, this adoption will not have a happy ending.

We travelled to Bulgaria last week to meet a handsome 3.5 year old little boy.  We met a tiny little boy with beautiful dark brown eyes and soft brown wavy hair.  He was beautiful.  We were prepared to welcome a little boy into our family with moderate delays.  Based on our experience with Nikolas and our friends' experiences with their children, we've watched little ones come home and do very well with a family and the right therapy/medical care.  The more time we spent with him, the more we realized that he had more than just some moderate delays. 

After sending our observations and some videos to a doctor in Minnesota who specializes in International Adoption, our fears were confirmed.  We were told it was clear that he had significant developmental problems and fits into the autism spectrum.  He will most likely have severe and lifelong disabilities that will require constant care.  He will probably never be independent.  We are not prepared to meet his needs.  Choosing to walk away from that little boy was devastating.  I worry about what will happen to him and pray that his family finds him soon.  We are not the best family for him, and continuing with the adoption wouldn't be fair to anyone.

We are thankful for the support of our agency caseworker and a few of our adoption friends who were there to listen, give us advice, and reassure us that it was okay to make this choice.

We are confident that we have another son in Bulgaria waiting for us, and we will find him when the time is right.  Our dossier will be re-registered with the Bulgarian government, and we will wait patiently for them to issue us a referral.  It could take six months.  It could take two years.  We know it will happen when it's supposed to. 

Days Three and Four in Shumen

On Wednesday afternoon we went to the Shumen Fortress.  It was an amazing site to see, but it was very hot up there.  Again, more photos will be posted on FaceBook on Sunday.  I will never complain about the speed of my internet at home!!

 

For dinner Gergana suggested that we order pizza.  I love the pizza here.  It's so good!!  Our hotel has a garden area that they use for the restaurant in the summertime, so we asked if it was okay if we ate our pizza out there.  They were fine with it since there were only a couple of other customers around.  It's very quiet at our hotel.

On Thursday morning we had breakfast and spent some time relaxing at our hotel.  We later tried to find a notary to take care of some paperwork, but three out of the four notaries in town were either unwilling or too busy to help us out.  We will try again tomorrow morning.  This afternoon we walked around in the City Center for a bit.  Shumen is a very nice little city.

For dinner we will be visiting the same Bulgarian restaurant that we went to on Tuesday night.  It's very inexpensive and the food is so good.  Lots of delicious veggies covered in Bulgarian white cheese and baked in an oven.  So good!!

On Friday we will return to Sofia, and on Saturday we will be flying back home to Indiana.  We love Bulgaria and can't wait until we get to come back, but right now we're missing our little boy at home.

Second Day in Shumen

We started the day off with breakfast in the hotel garden.  They have a nice outdoor garden that they use as their dining area in the summer months.  The weather has been beautiful, so we've enjoyed spending some time out there.  They do play Kelly Clarkson's first CD over and over again, but I suppose it's nice to have a little background music.  This is a very small hotel (with maybe only 12 rooms), so it's never very busy out there.  Sometimes we may see other people, but often it's just the three of us.

After breakfast we went over to the orphanage to spend a couple of hours visiting with the little guy.  We took him some bread today since they told us that he loves bread, so he was pretty happy about that.  During the visit he ate the bread and the container of Gerber puffs and yogurt melts that we took along for him.  He did not cry at all during the visit today and he came right to us.  I do tend to think that he recognizes us as the people who bring the snacks.  He seemed a little calmer today.  We played inside for a bit because they said it was too cold to go outside right away.  He enjoyed playing with the little plastic rings that we took with us.  After he got tired of those, we went outside and played on the swing for a while.  One of the orphanage workers approached us while we were sitting in the gazebo having a snack.  She was picking cherry plums.  Apparently these tress are native to Europe and Asia.  The fruit looks like a cherry, but doesn't really taste like a cherry.  We were told they used the fruit to make a syrup drink for the children.  She filled up a bag with several different varieties of the fruit to bring back to the hotel.  We have green ones, pink ones and red ones.

We dropped off some things at the hotel and took a taxi up the mountain to see the 1300 Years Monument.  It is a massive stone monument that is a tribute to 1300 years of Bulgarian history.  It was very interesting, and we were also able to view the city from the top of the mountain.  I'll post more pictures on FaceBook when we get home.  The internet connection here is very poor, and I can normally only stay connected for a few minutes at time.

Our afternoon visit was only for one hour.  We spent the entire visit in the social worker's office.  H seems much more comfortable around us.  He played with (chewed on) some rubber blocks that we took for him and came over to my purse when he got bored with them.  He dug around until he found the Elmo snack box and brought it over to me.  He stood in front of me until I opened it for him, and he stood and ate the entire container.  He is able to pick the pieces up and feed himself.  He sure does love the Gerber puffs and yogurt melts.  He has some medical concerns and is very delayed (maybe a 9-12 month level).

For dinner we went to a traditional Bulgarian restaurant and it was absolutely amazing.  It is very close to the hotel (down a REALLY steep hill), but it's definitely worth it.  We plan to visit the location again later this week.

First Day in Shumen

We travelled to the orphanage this morning to meet our little guy for the first time.  We also met the director, the social worker, one of his caregivers and his baba.  We chatted with the director for a few minutes while H's caregiver went to get him.  We knew from the referral information that he doesn't do well meeting new people, so we didn't expect him to be too interested in us.  He fussed a bit when we went into the meeting room, so they suggested that we go outside since the weather is so nice right now.  He immediately went to a swing and wanted to swing.  We were told that he would swing for hours if they would let him.  He warmed up to us a bit thanks to the Gerber puffs that we brought along.  His baba and another little guy (who is being adopted by another couple at our agency) came over and joined us for a bit.  At one point H got off the swing and took off after his baba.  He's very delayed, but he proved to us that he is in fact able to walk on his own.  I wish I could share pictures, as he is a very darling little boy with great big brown eyes.

We spent about an hour with him and then had the taxi driver drop us off near the city center.  We were able to exchange money at the bank, check out the area, and pick up some drinks from the grocery store.  The grocery store is up a steep hill.  (I'm from Indiana, so most hills are steep to me.)  We came back to our hotel for a couple of hours before heading back to the orphanage.

We spent one hour with H this afternoon.  We started off outside on the swing, but we had to come inside a few minutes later due to the rain.  We spent the rest of the time in the social worker's office where he enjoyed dancing to the music, eating some Gerber snacks and playing with his toy keys.  He lets us hold him and play with him.  He likes laying on his back and sticking his feet up in the air and then taking off his shoes.  He babbles a lot and makes sounds with his mouth, but he doesn't really say any words.  We'll be spending two hours with him each morning and one hour each afternoon.

This evening we had dinner in the garden with our translator.  The hotel restaurant is very inexpensive and the food is okay.  Gergana found a traditional Bulgarian restaurant that we're going try for dinner one night this week, so that should be fun.

Tomorrow afternoon there is a 70% chance of rain, so we probably won't be doing too much exploring.  On Wednesday or Thursday we will visit the Shumen Fortress and the 1300 Years Monument.  We're trying to see as much as we can while we're here since we can only spend a few hours a day with our little guy.

Getting There is Part of the Fun!!

We finally made it to Bulgaria after a difficult journey.  Our first flight (Indianapolis to Newark) was a little bumpy, but we arrived on time without any issues.  As they started to board our flight to Munich, they realized that the air conditioning was not working on the airplane.  They attempted to fix it, but they later decided that they would need to get a different aircraft.  Our flight was scheduled to leave at 5:30pm.  We were able to board around 8:30pm, and we finally left the ground at 9:30pm.

Prior to leaving Newark we went to the customer service desk, as we knew we were going to miss our connection to Sofia.  The gentleman there confirmed us for the 1:10pm flight to Sofia and told us we would have no issues making that flight, and there wasn't any reason that our luggage wouldn't arrive with us.  I paid the $7.95 for internet access at the airport so I could e-mail Nina at CHI and Violeta in Bulgaria to let them know that we would not be arriving in Sofia on schedule.  Luckily I had Violeta's contact information since we've been corresponding with her since we brought Nikolas home.

We arrived in Munich at 11:00am on Sunday morning (the same time we were originally scheduled to arrive in Sofia).  I was so relieved to have texts from both Violeta (our coordinator in Bulgaria) and Gergana (our awesome translator) letting me know that they were aware that we would not be arriving on time and to contact them when we had more information.  Since the gentleman in Newark had printed out a slip of paper showing that we were confirmed on the 1:10pm flight to Sofia, we let them know were would be arriving in Sofia at 4:00pm.  A nice lady at the gate checked our passports and confirmed that we were on the flight, but we would need to go to the customer service desk to get our boarding passes printed.

The line at the customer service desk was ridiculous.  There was a gentleman checking passports and trying to help folks before they got to the counter, but I'm not sure how much help he really was.  He told us we were not on the 1:10pm flight, but we were on standby for the 7:00pm flight with 6 people ahead of us.  By this time it was getting dangerously close to boarding time for the 1:10pm flight, so we went back to the gate hoping someone could help us.  The lady working at the gate was incredibly nice.  Even though we had the paper showing we were confirmed, she was having trouble getting our tickets.  After a couple of phone calls, we had boarding passes and were good to go.  Turns out there were quite a few empty seats on that flight from Munich to Sofia.

We arrived in Sofia on time and our luggage did, too!!  We were met by Gergana and were out of the airport in less than 30 minutes.  After a really long drive on curvy roads through the mountains, we finally made it to our hotel in Shumen.  My stomach was a little queasy, but I made it just fine.  Maybe it's a good thing I hadn't eaten in a while.  The Bulgarian countryside is beautiful.  It's very green and mountainous with beautiful fields of sunflowers that are as plentiful as corn fields in Indiana.  Every now and then we'd pass through a small village with old brick houses.  I just love it here!!